Currently Listening Give Up By The Postal Service see related

So I think I am depressed again. I have been thinking about what I am going to do this summer and I think that I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to march. And frankly that kills me. It is me not being able to do what the thing that I have been doing since I was in the fourth grade. Music had always been a huge part of my life, and now I am not going to have that any longer. To me that just sucks. I have been contimplating this for the past 3 weeks and I have not been able to think about anything else. The reason that I have reached this decision is that I simply cannot afford it. I have not means to live my life with any more expenses than I have now, and puttin abouther 2000 on top of that and not working for the summer is something that I cannot see as a possibility. I mean I have done it for that past 2 summers, so I could try it again, but I just don't think that this time it will work out. You know when you get that feeling that no matter what you do you are going to be fucked? Yeah that is what I have right now. So tomorrow I have to go t Phoenix and give my euphonium up for the last time knowing that I will never be able to do this again and that kills me. I have lost so much sleep over it, and I don't want to do anything else with my life. Mark, our director said that I can march and worry about the money later but honestly, I cannot afford that in any way shape or form. GODDAMMIT I JUST WANT TO MARCH!

Currently Listening To Love Again By Chris Botti see related

Holy freaking mother of jesucristo! I have not update in almost  months someone should slap me!! Anyway, there is no way in fuck I am going to try and update you all on everything that I have done, but I will write a little...how about that? (Merry Christmas btw, yeah for you jews out there sorry, but MERRY CHRISTMAS, I am going to say it again merry christmas, NO I dont want to say happy holidays cause I dont give a shit what you celebrate, we have a recognixed national holiday for christmas, we are all closed on christmas, NOT Hannakah or whatever [I work at Crate and Barrel btw, and I am sooo sick of being all PC and saying HAPPY Holiday to all the rich bitches who don't give you the time of day unless you are ringing them up with their 20,000 items that they need individually wrapped the day after christmas and when you say no they act like you killed their first born, fuck you, wark a day in your life...I dare you] with my fake ass smile in tow!!

Anyway Terance is off In Towelhead country, AKA Afghanistan. I miss him terribly and I cannot wait to see him once more. What makes it even more difficult is that he can call everyday and I can hear his voice but I cannot see him... soo hard! We have been together nearly nine months...soon to be the longest relationship I have been in, and lemme tell you a hell of a lot better than any other. I love him to death. so if you want to send him your prayers do, he is ficghting for your lazy bitch ass anyway, so give him a little love.

Hmm what else? Oh corps is starting again, and I am torn on whether or not to do it. I am not in the best physical shape by any means, my chops suck and my wallet is about to starve to death like an ethiopian child, so we must make a decision soon. I am soo torn, I need to move on with my life, but everytime I see my picture from Academy and Vanguard, I am missing it terribly. I love the music, I LOVE the MARCHING, I love being the shit with the other 134 on the field and knowing that we are untouchable. I love knowing that in a year or two we will be marching in Div I (Oh I marched Vanguard after Academy was over, that my friends was the DEAL, it was fucking fantastic, I have twice as many friends now and I have amazing memories to go along with it) With the way that I am talking it seems that I should not have any doubt in my mind that Academy is where it is at, but I cannot afford to go grocery shopping as it is, so what about that?! I dont know what to do people!

I dont have anything else for now, bye!

Xanga time kiddies. Wow, it has been quite a while since I updated this last, and my goodness has a lot of stuff happened. Let us start with one of the most amazing shopping experiences of this century. Last weekend, a couple of friends and I (Terance, Mike, Andy, Amy, and Jon) went up to phoenix for the weekend to hang out, go shopping and hit the clubs. Well this is the basic gist of the travel we (Me Amy Andy and Ter) left at 11 am, got there at 1:00. OMG Scottsdale Fashion square is ridiculous. HUGE! The shopping was intense, I bought some hot shit. The best thing I think that I got was a Burberry polo, mmmm, hot. The lady that I bought it from was a major bitch at the beginning, I think that she was expecting us to try shit on and not purchase it, so I think that she was a little relieved when I told her that yes, I was going to buy it. Also got some hot lucky pants, and a cool Kenneth Cole button down. And last but not least I got another pair of Calvin Klein underwear. Now, normally this would not be so funny, but I guess the side story is needed.

     So Amy heads off while we are in Dillards to go buy a cute top for that night of clubbing. Meanwhile Andy, Ter, and I got and try to find some underwear for the boys, well we pick some out (oddly enough they are the same ones) and as we are walking looking for a register we start comparing tans and talking all loud and holding out rediculously overpriced ball holders, needless to say that was the gay moment of the DAY! OOOOK not so funny i guess you had to be there.

Anyway, after 4 hours of mall time we left and went to the hotel and chilled while waiting for Mike and Jon to meet us. The pool was nice, if you like swimming in spa warmth pools. At like 9:00 the boys get there we are exhausted and hungry as fuck so we all went to Mill ave and hit up the german brewery mmmmm good times. Afterward we went back changed and at like 12:30 went out to look of r a club, 3 hours later we find one that is 18+ WAAAAY Ghetto, I am talking Save the Last Dance Ghetto. Stay for 15 and leave. The next afternoon after waking up and checking out we hit up IKEA holy shit and half, that place is amazing, my room next year is IKEA. mmmmmmm.

Ok enough about shopping. So my best friends in the world and I all found a house YAY! Damn hottest thing you ever did see. Two stories. Four bedrooms, hot kitchen living room, and nice yard. Brand new. hot yah? The drywall is going up later this week. So I am looking forward to that.

I met this guy a while back named Ter.( and for all of those of you who don't know, now, it is time that you find out, sorry it had to be over Xanga, and btw, I think you all know already). He is probably one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Sweet as hell and soo freaking fun. We have spent a lot of time together in the past couple of weeks. and I am proud to say that I have a new boyfriend. Yeah, I am gay. Weird huh? hahaha jk, I am sure most of you knew that already. But I just have to say that I am the happiest guy right now, it is kinda hard to contain all these feelings all the time, but I am sure that I can manage. But it is definitely a nice feeling waking up every morning knowing that I have someone that I can care for and that will care for me as much in return.

Hmmmm, what else? Finals are coming up, and yeah, I am going to get a shitty ass GPA this semester, my parents are going to kill me. Yeah I am going to probably be paying for college all by my lonesome this coming year . Oh well i guess we all have to pay for our mistakes, some people just have to do it literally.

Well, I guess that is long enough yeah? Lata kiddos